They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
