I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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