I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
