Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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