she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
