Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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