I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
