you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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