Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm passing your future prison.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
