So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I could fuck to npr.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
