We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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