btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
