My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
