Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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