I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize