When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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