Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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