Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
