So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My nipple is on Facebook.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
