youre lurking in front of me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize