and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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