I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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