I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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