Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
