She's the barista slut.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
