watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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