Whod you bang
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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