the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
