I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
BRING THE BAGELS
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
