So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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