I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize