how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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