Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
