I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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