my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
