No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
being pregnant is like rehab
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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