I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
