like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
