Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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