i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize