sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
