This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
