It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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