I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
