So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
