i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
