He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
