I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can I color on your dick again?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
