You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
