I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sext me about skeletons
Terrible idea I love it
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
