ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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