Yo dont text me then not text me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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