i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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