sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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