Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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