Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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