Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
