Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
