My room smells like vodka and shame
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i believe in u and ur pee
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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