when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
