Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
