So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
