Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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