i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
