maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
