Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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