then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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