dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
