I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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