can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My penis needs a shock collar
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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