I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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