so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
