i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize